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4.2 ★★★★★
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★★★★★ 3
Not the sharpest blades
Not fantastic but they work
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Reviewed in the United States on April 15, 2026
★★★★★ 5
The BEST relationship book you will ever read! Single, Dating, or Married this book will transform your relationships forever!
Format: Paperback
This book is incredible! Debra's insights as a counselor are unlike anything I have ever read and will change my relationships forever. The survey results from 1000 singles/1000 couples were really eye opening, but more importantly she presented solutions and offered hope in many areas: dealing with unmet expectations, how to be authentic, how to protect your marriage, dealing with conflict, issues with sex, how to truly become "one", and many more.
Many relationship books are about a couples' journey or their advice that worked for them, Debra is unique in that your are getting perspective from a licensed counselor and relationship expert who has worked with countless clients! Her wisdom shines through and her approach to a number of subjects are so unique, refreshing, and inspiring. She does a masterful job of approaching relationships with her clinical wisdom, but rooted in her deep love for Jesus. I wish someone would have told or taught me countless things in this book years ago.
I loved reading her stories of couples and singles she worked with, many real-life examples made the book very connectable and authentic. My favorite chapters were Alter that Ego, From Pride to Humility (where you actually learn what a proper apology should look like in a relationship and the power of humility in a relationship); Sex Marks the Spot, From Infatuation to Adoration (amazing chapter about navigating sex and dealing with problem spots); and Walls Will Fall, From Vulnerability to Intimacy (
If you are single, READ this book to get a front row seat into what marriage will look like and more importantly the qualities you should be looking for in your future spouse!
if you are dating/engaged READ this book to learn more about your relationship, future areas and topics you need to discuss and more importantly how to handle them.
if you are married (whether for a year or 50 yrs) READ this book to transform your marriage, Debra will equip you with the tools to deal with issues you may be struggling with and even more how to identity them.
I walked away from this book so encouraged and filled with hope as I got a glimpse of what God's best in relationship should look like.
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Reviewed in the United States on May 1, 2018
★★★★★ 5
Choosing Marriage
Format: Paperback
I don't remember when I first discovered Debra Fileta, but she is my soul sister. Debra is a self-proclaimed realist, which is why I like her approach so much. She is the author of the site, True Love Dates. She does not beat around the bush with her relationship advice.
I signed up to be on the book's Launch team, but I was quickly reminded I should not plan to do anything at the end of the school year - oops - my bad! So sorry, Debra. Better late than never, right?!
I am a slow reader, but I wanted to make sure I was taking the time to gain the wisdom and knowledge Debra was sharing with singles and couples alike about relationships. Each chapter ended with reflection questions for singles and couples.
Now to get to why you all should grab a copy from Amazon or your local bookstore - it is AWESOME. Worth it. I like to read relationship books because I am far from perfect and like to hear what others have to say on the subject.
"A good marriage comes from a series of decisions over an extended period of time, with the commitment of two people choosing to love each other no matter what my come their way" (23). I wish people could understand this concept - and I am saying this as a single person. Even though I have seen the good, the bad, and the ugly of marriages around me, it still remains a life goal to be a wife and mother. I believe it is worth it and reading this book has given me hope that it is possible to have a good marriage. I will never truly understand marriage until I am married because "[y]ou can't experience real love with a person until you've experienced the entirety of a person - the good, the bad, the ugly, and the beautiful" (101).
In this book, Debra addresses communication barriers, boundaries, and learning about good sex within marriage. She shares personal stories as well as stories from those she counseled.
Debra is a straight-shooter when she states, "Seek accountability.... Get a tight rein on your thought life! Stop feeding your mind entertainment that will pollute it with lust.... [I]f you don't have a community, it's time to turn off Netflix, get off social media, and start investing in real-life relationships with godly people" (175). Ouch. That applies to singles and couples alike.
Debra's last chapter called "The Beautiful Exchange" could be a book itself, comparing the seasons of a year to seasons in marriage. I guess it is how you view each natural season how you would compare it to marriage, but it's a challenge to think deeper about the ebb and flow of life seasons.
"Marry someone who will make you better" (184).
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Reviewed in the United States on June 26, 2018
★★★★★ 5
Wonderful encouragement and advice whether you're single or married!
Format: Paperback
Debra Fileta’s newest book Choosing Marriage: Why It Has to Start with We > Me is even better than I expected. I loved her book True Love Dates and consistently learn so much from her blog. Debra is a wonderful storyteller, and her vulnerability shines through her writing. She understands the struggles of navigating life as both a single and a married Christian, and her training as a professional counselor adds even more depth and insight. Debra’s writing style is familiar and never judgmental or prescriptive, a combination that is sadly rare in many Christian relationship books.
Her latest book is expertly written to include both singles and married couples in its intended audience. I have to admit that I was skeptical at first since I have experienced the feeling of exclusion in books and studies that are clearly for married people even if they claim otherwise. Choosing Marriage succeeds in going over and above my expectations. Debra’s focus on authenticity and personal stories is refreshing. Reading this book is like soaking up encouragement and advice from a best friend over a cup of coffee.
“Choosing to love someone is so much more meaningful than needing someone to love.”This quote is near the end of Choosing Marriage, but it stopped me in my tracks. Such a simple phrase—14 words that hold so much meaning.I needed that reminder, and I know I’m not the only person who is sometimes tempted to make relationship decisions out of the deep need and longing for companionship rather than from choices of what is right and healthy. And someday, when I do find someone, I hope with God’s help to be able to choose to love him every day—not from a desperate need but from a committed and daily choice.
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Reviewed in the United States on May 1, 2018
★★★★★ 5
How to REALLY Prepare for Marriage
Format: Paperback
I loved both of her books (Choosing Marriage & True Love Dates). I am a widower of 3 years who is prayerfully considering marriage again. I was married for over 30 years. We married right out of college. I am from an atheist family upbringing. My wife came from a church background that had little solid Bible teaching and especially Bible teaching on marriage and family. Both of us were raised by our mothers after both sets of parents divorced. I was a teenager when my parents split up. My deceased wife's dad left when she was one year old. We both made solid commitments to Christ while in college. I wish we had Debra's resources before we were married. We would have been a lot more prepared for marriage and family life (especially to do it in a way that would glorify Christ). Thank God, we did overcome our challenges, but it took a while. After leaving the US Navy, we attended Bible college and I became an ordained minister. Based on what I know of God's word, I agree with everything that Debra has written. I wholeheartedly endorse her materials. If we had known what she had written prior to our saying "I do", we would have been a lot more prepared for marriage and the transition from being single to being married would have been much smoother. Debra's teaching is so practical and wise. I love it! In fact, I have referred others to her materials, including other ministers. Blessings to you Debra. You work is much appreciated!
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Reviewed in the United States on March 27, 2019
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